We had decided not to have bachelor/bachelorette parties since i’m pregnant and with the time constraint of the wedding. But now his friends have talked him into having a bachelor party at a strip club. He knows how I feel about stip clubs and he just says it’s up to his friends where they take him. I totally trust him, but I don’t really trust his friends not trying to get him totally drunk. And I don’t trust strippers not to just try to do things since its his bachelor party. I don’t want to be a nag and tell him know. And he just throws that I don’t trust him in my face if I don’t want him to do it. So I don’t know what to do. I know my party is going to be very lame since I’m pregnant. I just don’t think its fair that he can have all of his fun but I can’t. Am I just being ridiculous?
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Tags: Club, fiance's, Friends, getting, married, months, Pregnant, Strip, take, wants
He has a voice obviously, he could tell his friends he doesn’t want to go to the strip club. He’s just using them as an excuse because he wants to go. Strippers are never a good idea no matter if it’s for the girl or the guy. Too many horror stories and they are just not necessary.
Yes you are being ridiculous. And who said that being pregnant means you can’t have any fun? Go out with the girls that night and have some fun. (you are 3 mos pregnant – not comatose) Go out dance the night away.
First of all, if it bothers you that much, he should not go…but with that being said.
I know this probably won’t be a popular answer, but I think strip clubs are actually safer than regular bars for guys. If you go to a strip club, yeah you’re going to see some naked ladies, but you are NOT going home with any of them. It’s a job to this girls and all you are to them is a dollar sign. On the other hand, if you go to a regular bar, there are almost always women there looking to meet someone.
My point is, I think the chances of something crossing the line are greater at a regular bar than at a strip bar. All the strip bar is going to do is get him worked up and then he’s coming home to you.
Just my opinion and I know it won’t be popular, but there ya go.
Well then you should trust him and let him go where he want’s to go.
You could have him promise to watch the baby and pay for a girl’s weekend somewhere when you feel up to it, that would solve the “fairness” part. As far as the strip club…that’s a personal choice. I wouldn’t have a problem with it, so it’s hard for me to tell you what to do. I would say that it isn’t that big of a deal and as long as he comes home that night, you should let him go. Tell him he has to be home by 3 am (or what ever you feel comfortable with-around an hour after bars close in your area.) Then when he gets home, tell him to strip before showering and you can probably tell if he was bad. So what if he gets a lap dance or two or ten, so what if he gets totally drunk? It’s a problem if mouth to mouth or mouth to genital and of course genital to genital contact occur only – in my opinion.
No I dont believe you are. If I was in your scenario I would have the same reaction your having. Its not his friends decision, however, it’s his. You maybe a little worried which brings up his idea of trust, but he should also respect you enough to understand why this is difficult for you.
you have a right to feel that way..it ain’t fair..but not letting him go isn’t fair either..
if you cant trust him to act like a adult and not do anything stupid than you don’t need to marry him….find out how much of a responsible man he is now….not later….
i am sure it will be fine……and if it makes you feel better…think of something you want either now or when the baby is born..and tell him if he gets to go to the strip club than you get to do ….whatever you decide..
congratulations good luck and God bless.
No, you’re not being ridiculous. Honestly, all the women who will jump in and say you have insecurity issues because you’re not “cool” with this bachelor party have probably never been in this situation. Strip club bachelor parties are archaic and degrading…I almost look at it as a public display of rebellion against your future wife. I’m in the same situation and I absolutely detest the thought of my future husband being touched by some nasty, sweaty stripper with low self-esteem. My fiance also uses the excuse that “it’s up to his friends”. Total BS! But, truth be told, the whole bachelor party is centered around a mans fear of being emasculated in front of his friends. It’s normal for you to feel the way you do. Unfortunately, this is gonna wrap a nice wet blanket around your wedding bliss if you let it eat you up. The only thing you can do is set boundaries and expect your fiance to respect them. Don’t do the “ultimatum” thing, that can only backfire. Set your boundaries and hope for the best! Good luck!
I say get the girls and go with him…….heheee!
Who says you can’t go out and have fun? Of course you can, if that’s what you want. Being 3 months pregnant shouldn’t stop you.
Don’t sweat the small stuff; he’ll be OK at his bachelor party.
I think you should trust him, you are getting married to him, right? If trust isn’t there, don’t marry him. Thats the basis of a healthy relationship.
The idea of a bachelor party is this: its your last night of being single, go out and enjoy it with your friends.
lighten up, go out with your friends, too!
Don’t be so darn jealous!! I mean no offense, but after reading your post I feel like you are saying, ‘I can’t have fun, so he shouldn’t either.’
Remember you shouldn’t be putting demands on your partner. You should trust him and know that he loves you or you are in for a world of hurt later.
Get dressed up and have a party yourself, my gosh you’re 3 months pregnant not dead.
You shouldn’t have alcohol, but why does this mean you can’t have fun!! Let your friends hire the stripper for your party!
Loosen up and let go, have fun and then enjoy your wedding and married life. Good luck on the pregnancy, I hope all is well.
If you feel very strongly against him going he should have enough respect for you to suggest to his friends that a different destination should be chosen. He needs to be a man and stand up for his woman’s wishes, not be bowled over by his friend’s making his decsions for him. You really can’t trust a man if you can’t trust his friends; his friends aren’t going to disappear after the wedding, he will still be hanging out with them and you will just have to wonder what they are doing…………
No you are not being ridiculous. First of all, I am sure this is going to be TMI for most of the people, but my husband and I go to strip clubs together sometimes…so I am not totally against strip cubs. My bestfriend however is a stripper (has been for over a year now) and she frequently tells me how guys came in for a bachelor party and they ended up cheating on the soon to be wife. As sad as it is and as bad as it makes my friend look to everyone who reads this- she has told me that when guys go to strip clubs for bachelor parties the strippers always give them a little “extra attention”. Partly because they want the guys to feel special, partly becuase they usually always tip good, but mostly becuase it is like a game with strippers to see if they can make the guy cheat…It would be one thing if you could go out and have fun, but you can’t. I DO NOT think that you are being ridiculous by any means. You aren’t the ONLY ONE who caused you to be pregnant, therefore you shouldn’t be the only one who deals with the consequences. If your husband-to-be is already being this selfish, I definately recommend sitting down with him and having a long talk with him. No, he cannot help where his friends want to take him; but he should have the balls to stand up and say “NO!”. It is disrespectful to you and it is disrespectful to your marriage. Oh, and make sure that he doesn’t do his bachelor party the night before your wedding. Tell him to do it the weekend before. Nothing is worse than having a groom who is still drunk or hungover from his bachelor party! On a lighter note though, Congrats on the baby and the marriage!
No, you are NOT being ridiculous. He knows how you feel about it, and his being deliberately passive about his friends’ choices is total BULL; it’s so disrespectful to you! It’s about trust – you are trusting him with your feelings, and he’s making you feel MORE insecure. As your future husband, his job is to make you feel respected. If his friends take him to a strip club, he could walk away if he wanted to. He’s not planning to, obviously, and that’s his personal choice – not his friends!
Bottom line: He should understand that while you’re pregnant, you need him to be MORE supportive, especially when you are feeling unsexy and he’s getting his jolly’s from someone who doesn’t have the beginnings of a preggy tummy. And it’s not that he can’t have fun – give him options – like batting cages with his buddies or some sports events they could all attend. Your level of discomfort and unhappiness should be more than enough.
It is not up to his friends at all. My fiances friends like to tease me that they are taking him to a strip club, but they know that I don’t want him to be in a strip club and that I would be very angry and upset if they did such a thing. They will not be taking him to a strip club or having him do anything involving strippers. They are just going to go golfing and then drinking/dinner after. Your fiance has a voice, and the only way his friends will be having his party at a strip club is if they know he will like it and has no objections. If he says no, they will plan a different party.
I don’t think you are being ridiculous at all. He can have fun without strippers. His friends can go to a strip club anytime they want with or without your fiance, so don’t believe that their happiness depends on your fiance.
yes you are. pregnant. i get it. so stop it right now. dont ruin this all for him. strippers are not going to do anything to him at a strip club. really they dont care about him. you making all this drama over it is going to ruin this all for him. be confident and i would advise you to take a different attitude, that is ” go have fun, honey, ” that is what you do. quit making this all about you. really. you write that you dont know what to do. here is what to do: plaster a huge smile on your face, develop a lot of laughter and fun and happiness. really, you are a drag and a bore, and you must cut that out right now. yup, he might get drunk. big deal, girl!!!!
from this moment on be happy you are getting married and dont bring this up again. it will drive a wedge between you. you are strongly warned.
elizabeth, posting below, goes into more detail about this, she is absolutely right, as i said, strippers in a club dont care, a house party is a wholllle different thing, but, she says it best.
Wow. it’s not ridiculous – and you’re in one big mess.
OK old saying: Birds of a feather flock together. That means if this guy has friends who would be so disrespectful of his fiance’s feelings – then what kind of a man is he?
This man throws “you don’t trust me” at you all the time and you’re marrying him?
The problem is, this man doesn’t really love or trust YOU or he’d put the kibosh on the strip club idea (which is really HIS secret fantasy only he’s too slimy to tell you honestly).
Honey, despite the fact that you’re preggers, I wouldn’t marry this man on a bet. He’s a cowardly slime who doesn’t love his girlfriend who he carelessly knocked up – and you can show him this response.
So what you think you can’t have fun because you’re pregnant?
Ok, so you can’t drink, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t have fun. A good time doesn’t equal drinking.
I say, let him go out with the guys and have some fun. You, go out with your girlfriends and have fun too. Your pregnant, not sick or invalid.
Going to a strip club is infinitely safer than hiring an “entertainer” to go to a house party, which is (thankfully) an option they could have gone with but didn’t. The girls who do house parties are unregulated by state laws and limits and can and will do pretty much anything.
Most strip clubs are highly structured and have several bouncers that keep the girls safe. I’ve actually been to both “genders” of clubs, and the ladies attending the male revues are FAR more out of hand than even the most rowdy bachelor party I’ve seen at a club. It depends on the state, but many states don’t even allow the patrons to touch the dancers with their hands.
As for trusting a stripper, basically you can trust a stripper to take as much money from your FH’s friends as she can get. They may pay to have a girl dance all over him and whatnot, but they would only be doing so in order to get to laugh at him, and she would only be doing it for the money. They aren’t doing it because the patrons are attractive or sexy. Strip club patrons, to the girls, are walking ATMs. Period.
Me personally, I would have no problem with my guy going to a bachelor party at a strip club. I might have pause if my guy liked going to clubs by himself without his friends, because I believe that’s a whole different kind of fun, but with a group of guys I don’t consider it a big deal.
If he respected you and your wishes, he just wouldn’t go. Period. Lots of guys these days plan really clean bach parties just to get together – to play poker, go do laser tag, do gaming, go fishing, etc.
Neither of us want a bachelor/bachelorette party
Any friends do not comply with this wish are uninvited immediately. They know this and thus will refrain from this behaviour.
I think it is very rude of his friends to disrespect your wishes like that and I would let them know It is not about trust it is about what you had decided and they undo.
NO you are not being ridiculous! if you agreed on it before hand he should stick to that have a back bone and tell his friends that he cant do the strip club thing. I just don’t understand the idea of a bachelor party being his “one last night”. One last night of what? its not like he has been single this whole time and is now suddenly not single! I am 7 months pregnant and engaged and HATE when they talk about his bachelor party… yes it might be the hormones but what can we do about that! Nothing… and i see how you feel its a totally different experience being pregnant and going to a bar or going dancing …. i mean do they know how tired you are! I feel ya… and I would not be happy either…
,Just because you’re pregnant doesn’t mean a party for you would be “lame.” If you don’t want parties due to time constraints and other wedding issues, talk to him about this. Saying you don’t want him to have a party because you don’t want him to have more fun than you is petty, childish, and lame. Be fair to him.
I don’t know how you feel about strip clubs, nor am I going to judge or preach to you about that. But to say you trust your fiance but don’t trust those around him is a lame way of saying you don’t trust him. HELLO, if you trust him then you trust him to be faithful and true no matter what’s going on around him. THAT’S what trust is. Not, “I trust you when you’re in church or all alone, but not if there’s any alcohol or another female in the vicinity.” In other words, you trust him with you but not when you’re not around.
I agree with him. Even if he is wasted drunk and naked girls are climbing over him all night – if you really trust him it shouldn’t matter. Period.
I also think it’s odd that you are complaining about not having fun at your party while pregnant. It doesn’t sound like you are ready to be a parent. My advice to you is to stop worrying about it and start acting like an adult.
no your not being ridiculus! your pregnant because of an act you both engaged in and going to have a child that is both of yours… it’s not fair you have to be miserable for 9 months and he gets to go out and party! your not saying he can’t go out and have a bachelor party, but why does it need to involve drunkenness with strippers? it sounds like he was okay and now he is letting his friends push him around, he has a voice and he needs to speak up and let his friends know this was not part of the plan you guys worked out. have him tell them he’d be up for doing something else but not involving a crazy night with strippers. they can do a boys night out to a regular bar, maybe a sporting event, a concert, a day out doing whatever… there are plenty of other options. your pregnant with his child and your getting married and he should respect that.
I do not agree with the “Its your last night of being single”. If you are getting married, then that means that you were already dedicated and commited to that person. You already have love for that person, and you have been only with that person. You gave up being single when you got engaged. So therefor there isn’t a “last night of being single”. It is wrong…period. They are getting married to you…and they want to go out and “look” one last time?? Thats insane. My husband did not have a “strip club” bachelor party. I explained to him that he was already commited to me, that we were together already so how would it make sense that I give him permission to go look at strippers dance naked in front of his face? Its just sick, and degrading. He went with a group of friends out to eat and played pool. And you know what, he had a great time, and it didnt involve a strip club or a bar.
So to answer your question, no you are not being irrational at all, and I think that you are right for not wanting him to go. Don’t back down, I didn’t, and I am glad that I didn’t. Its not that you dont trust him, its that it is wrong. He is already committed to and going to marry you…he doesn’t have the freedom of being single to go look at naked women anymore. And I also think that having a bachelorette party including male strippers is wrong. It goes both ways
You both should read this article on Bachelor Parties and then decide what is right, together.
http://navillus99.blogspot.com/2008/02/bachelor-party-ideas.html
Why doesn’t he have a bachelor party without strippers? Then he could have his prewedding fun and hopefully you wouldn’t be so jealous about it.
No, your fiance is being the ridiculous one. He should respect your wishes. As far as I’m concerned, he can’t tell you that his friends “talked him into it.” He has a voice and could put his foot down. I think it is completely immature of him to say that it’s up to his friends where they take him. True friends would respect his wishes, and obviously he hasn’t even told them he doesn’t want to. Sorry honey, I think you better be prepared, it has nothing to do with ‘trust’ – I think that he’s going to go because he wants to, regardless of the fact that you don’t want him to!